Summer Behind the Scenes, Episode 1


You're reading one of Rochelle's "Personal Update" Blog posts. That means these are random thoughts and personal behind-the-scenes updates directly from Rochelle and not necessarily advice that she hopes you'll take and apply to your own life or business.  Proceed with caution, curiosity, and kindness, please!

White handwritten digital font that says Summer Behind the Scenes on top f a colorful collage of pressed flowers. Photo of Rochelle, a filipino woman in her late 30s wearing thin rimmed big glasses and a black sleeveless top, making a face that looks "Welp" with her eyebrows raised.

May 23, 2023

Description and Show Notes

Join Rochelle in this deep-dive episode where she navigates her personal journey creative fulfillment. This introspective journey might just leave you asking, "Who am I trying to impress?"

Key Takeaways:

  1. The entrepreneur's journey often involves navigating tricky decisions and evaluating investments. Rochelle shares her experiences with over-investment and lessons learned.
  2. Discontentment can be the catalyst for significant personal change. Rochelle delves into her own feelings of dissatisfaction, sparking a pivotal shift towards self-realization.
  3. Embrace the multidimensional facets of your personality. Learn from Rochelle's decision to reclaim her childhood dream of becoming an artist, against the stereotype of the struggling artist.
Memorable QuotE

"Who is it that I am impressing...? Oh, I'm not actually that impressed with myself."

Tune in to this compelling episode to explore more of Rochelle's journey. Her transparency and courage to navigate change might inspire your own journey towards self-discovery.


Rochelle is on a journey of self-discovery, making decisions along the way. She has a passion for content creation, but not just any content - she yearns to make her own art. This realization awakens the artist in her, a desire tracing back to her dreams in sixth grade, which she once dismissed due to the stereotype of the financially struggling artist.

She finds herself grappling with the need to impress others. She's been caught up in this cycle of seeking validation, but the question is - who is she genuinely trying to impress? Upon reflection, she realizes she isn't particularly impressed with herself, a bitter pill to swallow, but also a valuable insight to instigate change.

Now, she's granting herself the freedom to follow her desires, to pursue what she loves. Her understanding of herself as a multifaceted individual has grown and enriched her experience, albeit with a fair share of complications.

Rochelle is set to explore the creative side of herself more, combining her love for teaching, industry experience, and the desire to create. She's experimenting with showing up as her authentic self, sharing her journey as she navigates these challenges, embracing self-compassion, and inviting us along for the ride.


[00:00:00] Hey there, I am switching things up for this particular episode and probably the next few episodes. Just because there are some things going on behind the scenes that are not really too dramatic. But I personally have a desire to share them. You may have noticed you probably didn't notice. I mean, I'm being realistic here. No, one's really paying attention as much as I am to my own business in my own podcast.

But maybe you have noticed that I had a little bit more structure for my podcast. I tried. Doing weekly podcasts. And with the amount of work that I put into each one, and the fact that I don't just make a podcast episode and then put it out there. I make videos for each one. I make a blog page for each one.

And then of course now, now I'm trying to kind of work it into my SEO strategy for my website, because I'm trying to build more of a platform for myself as somebody who would like to be [00:01:00] considered a thought leader in the self-employed small business, micro business, solopreneur space.

And so there have been a few weeks that past just recently where I just didn't put it all together. Like literally I could, if you were here sitting next to me, I could show you all my plans and my notes and stuff like that. And I didn't. I didn't stay on schedule for what I wanted to put out there.

In fact. I'm actually going to pull it up. And I won't show you my screen, but I'm going to read out some of the stuff that I had planned. And it was like literally in my calendar and everything like that. And I will eventually cover these topics because they're still so relevant and helpful, right. But sometimes when you're running a business and when you're really figuring things out for yourself, you just have to pause, even if that means breaking all the rules that like the gurus give you where they are say consistency is key and all that stuff.

It's like, well [00:02:00] consistency is key, but also if you have things to deal with and like deal with them. And so some of the topics that I had a slate it out. Oh. And, and so like right now, as I'm recording this it's May 22nd. And I am reading these and they were all like planned out for April. And then supposedly at the beginning of may, I was going to re revisit my topics and my numbers and see what needs to be done. Going forward.

So I have, I had an episode that I wanted to do on streamlining your newsletter, content creation which I actually made into a blog post, so that exists. But I wanted to circle back and sort of read it out loud as a podcast versus doing it as a podcast episode first, and then making a blog page out of that if that makes sense. If you're following me with this.

So there was a streamline your news letter, content [00:03:00] creation. I recently put out a lot of information on virtual assistants and outsourcing, and just the idea of working with a team, especially if you're still small beans, I guess.

So the next one was going to be common struggles while working with a virtual assistant and that that's going to cover you know, The things that are hard about working, working with a VA, like not being able to afford them, or they turn out to kind of suck or they don't produce the kinds of results that you wanted.

It's still totally worth talking about. But again, that was supposed to go out on April 3rd and it's mid, mid to late may now. So there's that. And then, oh, I had to like a workflow flow walkthrough type of thing where I was going to show you which timers and reminders and apps I personally use to stay focused because I use a lot of them.

You may not know [00:04:00] this about me, but when I first started online coaching, I specifically was working with people who identified as tech challenged. And that was a lot of fun because I'm a pretty techie person. I wouldn't say that in the context of like the tech world. I don't know how any programming languages or anything like that? But I am pretty techie when it comes to everyday things.

So I'm that person in the family who can set it all up and figure it out and see why things aren't working. And so that came in really handy at the beginning when I first started my business, because I, there are a lot of people who start businesses and don't have that technical way of thinking.

It turns out that translated really well into being more of a strategist. And also acknowledging that it's not the technology that's holding most people back. But in my own practice and just for myself and keeping myself focused I use a lot of things. Like all kinds of timers. Apps for [00:05:00] focus.

I have certain routines that work. Um, and so some that I absolutely don't use because they just don't work for me. For example, one of the big ones is always people saying, doing time blocking. Blocking out things in your calendar. If it's not in your calendar, then you're not going to get it done. And then I think lots of gurus and self self-help people out there who are really well-known or like If something is important to you, I should be able to look at your calendar and see it on there and it should be noticeable that this is a priority in your life. And I'm like, well for a certain kind of person, maybe that would work. But for me, If I block it out, I can block it out beautifully. With highlighters and color coordination and really working when it's most fitting for my personality when I'm awake being a night owl. So that it doesn't interrupt the time that I'm spending with my developmentally disabled brother.

I can do all of that stuff and put it in a calendar or a [00:06:00] planner and then. I won't look at it. It'll just sit there. And then it'll pass and I will not follow it. Cause I just I'm one of those people who's not how do I say this?

I'm not motivated by the idea of staying on track with my own schedule, I'm just not. And so having it on my own schedule is not a way for that helps me prioritize. I could probably say that if I was, I think that's why I made such a really good employee and also why like I didn't do well in day jobs.

You know, a daytime office jobs. Is that I can adhere to other people's schedules. But that's also not, it was terrible for like my creative side and just my personality in general.

So I have lots of timers and hacks and ways that I do things that are really helpful for people who have brains like mine.

I had another episode and I promise I'm [00:07:00] getting to something, getting somewhere with, you know, sharing you with you, all of this stuff that I am planned out. But don't have ready for you so just stick with me.

And then the next few topics were how to build accountability in for whatever it is that you want to achieve. I had, I was planning a business bank account walkthrough because I follow a process that's very loosely based on the profit first framework. And that's created by Mike Michalowicz.

And I have my own version of it, but it's actually really helpful even if you implement it in a small way, because then you don't get you don't get shocked by your accounts and you also get paid no matter how much you're spending on your business. And no matter how much of your own money you're putting into your business, you always get paid in some way financially and so I wanted to walk through that and I will someday.

And then finally, this is the last one that should have gone out like three weeks [00:08:00] ago. Is, my process for re-purposing long form to short form or visual social media content. So basically the process that I have for these podcasts episodes and how I create

the social media content that goes out with eat when I publish each one.

And so I'm sharing all of this as a behind the scenes thing, because obviously I'm very aware of my process and I hope that you are the same with your business, where you know exactly where all of your time and energy is going.

I hope that you're paying enough attention so that you're not attached to your phone all the time, because it's just not good for you. And I hope that you actually find fulfillment in all of the tedious tasks that you have to do to get your business moving. Especially if you are making sales and you want to keep it going, but you also want to scale, right. And so I think that's where [00:09:00] the idea of the virtual assistant and putting systems together so that you can eventually outsource came from.

Now, I'm talking in past tense because I'm kind of shifting away from that, which is a big deal for me, because I feel like I've just spent so much time and effort painting the picture of how things come together in a business that might actually be a pleasure to run for you as a solopreneur, where your time and money and energy is limited. And I think that I'm really proud of the content that I've created.

But also I did have plans behind all of this right. I didn't just randomly decide I'm going to talk about virtual assistant stuff over and over and over. And just figure it out. Like my, my end game was to bring all of this together and then I've actually been like introducing myself in networking meetings and coffee chats as someone who may be [00:10:00] creating. An agency someday. And see, this is the part where it really sucks because I know that I have a lot of experience with virtual assistance and outsourcing having been the virtual assistant myself. Like I am the unicorn that a lot of people have hired.

I'm really good at my job. I'm really good at doing things for people. But I lift that, right. Because I don't, I don't feel lit up by it. Like, I'm really good at it, but I'm not that. I'm not stoked about that kind of work.

And if you're familiar with, um, gay Hendricks, the big leap. This is very, obviously my zone of excellence, where I'm very good at what I do. And. It's not what I'm really feeling called to deal and for the longest time and potentially. This may still be the, be the case. But I'm trying to figure out where [00:11:00] I can kind of nurture myself back into a zone of genius. And I think that just with the last, let's say five years or so with the pandemic and with how all of my relationships have changed.

With my own self-awareness really shifting.

I'm not sure what that is anymore.

I was definitely leaning in that direction cause I thought that it might be uh, worthwhile to lean in the direction of what pretty much everyone keeps telling me. Oh yeah. That's a good idea. That's. You know, people love it. They just light up. When I talk about. Virtual assistance. And basically the idea of me finding them a virtual assistant.

Like having people say, oh yeah, that's a business. Oh, I would, I would totally use your services. And it's hard because it's literally something I can do something that would be easy. That I could really build a business around, but my current state doesn't allow me to just build an easy business. [00:12:00] So-called easy, right?

An easy business that's in demand just for fun, because it wouldn't actually be fun for me.

And this is where I'm actually very grateful for all of the internal work that I've done the deep work because I also noticed that when I have told certain people about how I want to shift away from it. And I want to do you know what I'm going to tell you about. There's definitely, it's a little bit of an authority kind of thing where I'm learning that I'm, I've been spending a little too much time catering to what other people need and what's in demand. And stuff like that versus what I actually want to build around, because I can tell that some of these people uh, don't like that I'm moving away from creating a service that would help them.

You know, they, [00:13:00] and it's unfortunate because some of these people were in sort of a mentor role for me supposedly. And you could tell that they were like disappointed or they were like, well, you know, your other idea doesn't make sense or you need to frame this a different way, because I thought you were a virtual assistant.

And then I noticed that they're unhappy and then I start to, you know, go into old school. Rochelle wants to get the A and do the bonus work and get the bonus points and extra credit in school and get her straight A 4.0. And, you know, it's good that I can catch myself because. You know, it's not about them and maybe it's find time to find new mentors.

And also, you know, people are going to have like even mentors, business coaches, Consultants are going to have their own. Drama and their own kind of stuff, their own baggage. And just being aware of that and being aware that it's okay for... [00:14:00] I mean, this is a little political, but like it's okay for an artistic creative multitalented virtual assistant Filipino woman, like me to not play the role of being a support person for someone else's business. And someone else's dream.

And just the fact that I'm even in those situations where I'm talking to someone who should be helping me right. Inspiring me to create the business that I actually want to make. And I'm noticing that they're reacting that way. And so it's very much, a little bit of a, like an authority uh, relationship dynamic were definitely noticing that people that I trust or the people that I've been seeking out to get input from have a little bit of an authority complex, a little bit, teeny bit right?

Where they, they feel a little threatened and, um, you know, I don't like to threaten people. I don't like to appear threatening. But it's also, you know, an, a gift of mine where I can tell. People's intentions and [00:15:00] what's going on you know, underneath it all and it's kind of disappointing.

And I think that I had to go through a phase of grief a little bit.

When I realized that I don't really know what I want anymore. I used to be really ambitious and say, I want this and this and this. And I think that that's easy to do when you're brand new. To the entrepreneurship world or the freelancing world is that there's so much information out there to help people build up their dreams and dream big and try out different things and experiment and make money doing so.

But after a while, you have to, you start to feel the repetition and how some people are saying some things while doing others.

You also change your mind a lot about a lot. You know, if you've actually put in the work and launched a few things, made some money and it had to make some tough decisions for yourself to not continue doing that. [00:16:00] Then you learn a lot about yourself or even just in the way that you're being treated by other people in the entrepreneur space.

It turns out that it's a really complicated when you start putting your own values forward and first in how you run your business and how you make your decisions. And so for me, that's been a huge part of my let's call it like inner transformation, because it's just been really hard. To, um, be honest with myself and maybe let some stuff go. And maybe go ahead and let myself experiment with brand new things.

So, I guess at this point, I'm going to go ahead and let you know that I'm not a hundred percent on any of the decisions that I've made to get me to this point of recording this particular episode. But I have made some decisions and these were based on just what I've noticed myself really enjoying lately.[00:17:00]

What's nice is that like behind the scenes? And like, I don't talk about money cause I'm not a financial expert by any means, but like, I don't know, maybe it's just part of the entrepreneur journey where you know, we get ourselves into trouble.

They like over-investing in things, especially when like, man, when the sales copy is so good on that one program that you think is gonna solve all of your problems. It's so good. And it feels so great to like put it all put it all go all in and invested in it right. And then even if you complete all the stuff that they say to that you need to do to get that to achieve that particular goal.

Sometimes it's great and then sometimes it's like, oh wow that complete, that active completion was not nearly what I. Wasn't expecting or hoping for it to be.

And so at this point I find myself really being [00:18:00] honest about how I want to spend my time. Um, I, I bring up the financial thing because I've reached a point where I'm like, you know what I'm pretty stable. It's I'm at the very privileged point of having a pretty easy life with enough money.

If I'm going to be honest, like I'm not I'm not hurting for money, but I'm also not making nearly as enough for the kind of life that I want to have right.

I want to, I want more than this and I'm very this was a really tough thing for me to realize for myself, cause I'm generally very positive and grateful and so it feels not positive and ungrateful to say I'm really dissatisfied with just how a lot of my life is right now.

And so I'm trying to make shifts that will point me in the right direction. So I did all the things that you [00:19:00] do, you know You work on the journaling, you talk to people. You try to set that vision for yourself of what you want your life to be. Because obviously if I am dissatisfied with how things are right now, then it's a matter of like, well, for me anyway, documenting what's not okay and then also documenting what would be okay. And what would be absolutely wonderful. And trying to reconcile the two basically.

And so for me, What that looks like is. Actually, you know, for a lot of people, this part I think this is why I struggled so much with this, but that it was that it seems like for other people that the thing that they needed to change was to make more money. Like change... You know, they, they found the job that they wanted. And then they want to make more money. And then when they make them make more [00:20:00] money And they're super satisfied financially then they look at what they've accomplished.

And then they make those shifts. And so for me, it was really difficult to make that jump because I'm like, well, I'm not making a lot of money. And so it's hard to align myself with all those, like, you know, How I, how I reinvented myself stories when I don't have that I'm extremely financially successful and now I want to do something else.

And I think that that just has to do with like capitalism. I, I feel obligated to say that I am not I'm not allowed to change unless I have found success in a way that's defined as I am financially successful. Like if all of the effort that you put in towards something that you've been building doesn't add up to you, making a lot of money and you're not really that excited about it [00:21:00] anymore and you don't want to keep building it but you're also not very proud of it then you're not supposed to give up, right. You're not supposed to give up and, and try something different until you. Monetize it.

And make it sound really impressive. Which is actually a big theme for my life. It turns out cause I do a lot of things to be impressive. And so every time I find myself using that word. It's difficult because I'm like, who am I trying to impress? I'm literally, you know, going to turn 40 this year.

And who is it that I am impressing. I can't use the excuse of like, you know, my relatives or my family or whatever. And I can't even say, you know, impressing my boss cause I don't have a day job. So who am I trying to impress? And then it turns out that I'm like, Oh, I'm not actually that impressed with myself. [00:22:00]

And that really stinks cause I'm like, oh, that's true. I've not that impressed with what I'm doing right now in the, with the kind of life that I have right now. And so it's a balance of like, am I being too mean to myself or is that like the truth and why don't we talk about it, Rochelle? Because if you don't like what's happening then let's that's actually really good information to have.

So with all of that with myself, working through all of that. It's just been interesting. Learning about myself and then also making some decisions.

So something that you might've noticed with just the content that I like producing. And it's, it's interesting because like, I actually enjoy making content, but I want to make it for myself and I definitely don't want to make it for other people because I just, I literally only want to make my own art.

And then that brought me to the idea that I'm like, oh, I want to make my own art. Like, I want to be an artist. Which is so it like [00:23:00] dates back to what sixth grade. What do you want to be when you grow up? And I was like artists, but I can't because they don't make a lot of money. It was just one giant

tangled I thought process in my brain where I'm like, Rochelle you're allowed to do what you want to do. Rochelle you're actually really good at making things like pivoting and putting different things together and coming up with new ideas and you're never going to run out of ideas. And so like just remembering all of that stuff for myself and letting myself be multi-dimensional has been a really good experience, but also complicated.

But anyway, I'm really grateful to you for sticking through this and listening to me, sort of try to talk through what I'm going through, but also putting it out there because this is the kind of thing that usually I only do for myself and I figure out where I'm going from here.

But I can tell you what I'm [00:24:00] planning.

So I'm planning on leaning more into the creation side, like creating more for myself. So that's not like, like, like I'm going to suddenly become a um, content creator. Although, you know, I'm totally down for like brand deals and stuff like that once I start finding my own style for creating content, but I also have to balance that with the fact that I don't like how content creators and artists are um, Taking advantage of.

So I know that I don't want to put myself in that position where I'm like the starving artist trope. But I do want to combine my love of teaching and my experience and knowledge that I have in the industries that I've worked with with just a creative side. Right? A way for me to like, just create and help people be a, my content. And that's pretty much where I am right now.

I think I figured [00:25:00] that part out while I was doing like, art, art streams on Twitch. I did them weekly for a while. And it was, it was interesting because making art is really good for me. And most of the time I don't do it. But when I do do it, then it's very good. And so I'm doing what I can to kind of bake that into my process. And so I'm going to see how that comes out.

I'm going to experiment a little more with like, just showing up as myself. And sharing these kind of behind the scenes things as I work through all that stuff that I'm going through.

And I'm actually really thankful that I have like the the expertise that I do, because I'm like, okay, how can I be more self-compassionate you know, I'm being kind to myself? I'm not beating myself up over not having it all together. And I'm being mindful because I know that this is something that people resonate with and so that's why I'm [00:26:00] doing it semi publicly so that I can share this process with you, even if it's a little messy and I'm not sure how it's going to turn out.

So there's the common humanity like I know that you probably get what I'm talking about. And then also being mindful about it because those are the three aspects of self-compassion that I like to use as, as defined by Dr. Kristin Neff with self-compassion and the study she's done.

So being mindful that this is a process and that it's just what I'm going through and it's okay. And I don't have to over identify with any part of it.

But I appreciate you sticking around. And if any of this resonates with you, then please let me know. I'm sure it does because this, these are very common feelings to have. Feelings and thoughts. But, um, yeah, I'm in it with you and I hope that you're doing well.

And. Yeah, reach out if something here kind of hit something for you. Anyway. Take care. I know I will.[00:27:00]

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