Episode Transcript
So I'm officially into my final year, my final year of high school!
So I like to equate the first four years and like...
This is the only business that I've ever started, so maybe my opinion will change like a few years from now.
But. I like to talk about the first few years of, you know, being full, full in all in full time in your own business and literally relying on your own guts and ambition to be profitable and just keep it going.
I compare it to high school. So if you think about high school, it's four years, right? So you have two years of underclassmen, two years of upperclassmen, and the first day of your freshman year of high school is extremely different than your first day as a senior, right?
So it's like super scary.
You're the new kid and you don't know what you're doing, but you're trying to play cool.
You're trying to, you know, pretend you know what you're doing, that kind of thing.
And then by the time you're a senior, you're like, Oh, I've totally got this. I know what I'm doing. Some of this has sucked.
Um, and I, I mean, like, it would be nice if high schoolers had that kind of like self-awareness from the get go, but like, let's face it, when you're, if you're going through high school in your thirties forties fifties sixties. You're going to have a lot more control over yourself and your emotions and your mentality and just like everything compared to when you were in high school.
And the nice thing is that like going to high school doesn't actually make you money, but having a business does so yay us. Yay. Being an adult and getting through the first few years of like very difficult, difficult things, but also sticking with it because. I dunno about you, but this is just really important to me and it's hard to explain.
It's hard to explain it, but I'm also so, SO sure of it. And I think that this third year of me working for myself has really shown that like in a big way, because pretty much for my third year of being employed full time and do my own business and being my own boss, the third year has been the hardest and the worst.
And I hate to, you know, like, I hate to like not be inspirational and stuff, but like, dude, so many bad things happen this year.
And nothing went according to plan.
And I was like, getting sued by credit cards, and oh my goodness. It was just like so bad.
But. You know, despite the financial trouble and losing my side job, because by the way, I'm still working other things, but I do consider my business to be my primary thing, right?
So you can just define "being in business" however you want. I tend to define it as like the day that I turned in my two weeks notice and decided that this was it.
So you can define it however you want, but I'm so, I don't know, I'm just like so devoted to this and I'm way more passionate about it -- and openly passionate about it! -- Than I was when when I first started.
Right? And when things were "easy," cause, in a lot of ways, my first year was easier than my third year.
And I know that that's not going to be the case for everybody because everyone's journey is different.
But man, this was a hard, hard year and I'm still here.
I'm still here and I'm still smiling while I record this and I'm still like, no, EVERYBODY should do this.
Seriously.
I've got that, weird, like, kind of maniacal thing where you believe in some things so hard that you think that the entire world should do it.
And now I truly believe that everyone can make their own money. You can have a little more control over your income. And honestly, I think that everyone has a little bit more expression, a little bit more to be expressed than we care to, you know, admit.
Because many of us are just naturally creative and artistic and people-people. Like "people-person" kind of people, people.
And then, I dunno, there's, I think that includes the other sector of people who don't consider themselves visionaries who just want a stable job, who just want the income.
Just want, you know, some kind of normality in life where you don't feel like you're getting crushed by a corporate system. But you also don't want to be on your own and have all that risk?
And I'm like, you know what? I really think that in this day and age with modern technology and the fact that everyone has a business these days. Everyone has some kind of business, right? I think everyone can do it.
And if you can't... If you don't think that you can do it, you can work for someone who's doing it. And you're, you're going to be a lot happier.
You're going to feel more understood than if you stayed in your current job. Now, I know that that's like an extreme thing to claim because there's always going to be someone who's going, "Well, there's not, you know, not everyone can be an entrepreneur, because then what would happen if everyone started their own business? Then where would we be then?"
And I'm like, well, "We'd all be happier. And we'd all be like, supporting each other, and we'd all be working on their mindset, and getting a therapy, and being more active, and being really smart and reading self help books and being more social and trying new things."
Like, all of those extra things that it takes to have or work for a successful business.
Those are what it makes it wonderful.
Like the actual business? I don't really care what it is. You can sell whatever you want. But the culture of it is what I'm truly in love with.
And I think that that's why I'm still that crazy person who's like, I just had the worst year of my life and I love it!
Because I really do.
I really do. And I just, I feel like a crazy person, but I dunno. It's the truth. It's my truth. So yay. Third year. Finished. Stamped and done. And hopefully like all the guck to go with it.
Because to be honest, I'm like, you know what? I'm kind of over 2019 I'd like to move on and like enter the next phase.
So I'm just deciding that for myself. I'm like, year four stands ready. It starts right now. It's not going to be waiting until new years.
I'm not going to wait until my birthday in December or Christmas. I'm just going to do it.
I'm going to start the next phase of my life. Right now. And I think that everyone can do that no matter if you've been in business for a year or a week. Whatever.
You can start fresh, clean slate and just decide for yourself that you're going to listen to bright, positive people like Rochelle, and start ignoring all of those people who are keep tearing you down and you know, bringing up all the doubts and warning you against the risks and even the inner mean girl that's inside you.
You know? I think that everyone has just the MEANEST PERSON EVER inside them that is like, they don't even know when to stop!
Because at least like, I dunno, I don't have, I'm very, I'm very blessed to not have them, many mean people in my life. I think I'm just good at turning my back on them and not even caring. So they don't, they don't linger for that long, or I'm really good at cutting them out and I don't even notice them or whatever.
Whatever it is.
I'm very blessed to not have that many mean people in my life. But that doesn't protect me at all from the inner mean girl that I have, but she is so mean.
Oh, she's a bitch. And she really had her way with me this year, this past year of business. And I'm thinking that you probably have your own equivalent.
You probably have all of the well meaning, well-intentioned phrases and the go-to like cliche lines of your parents and your mentors, and Dave Ramsey and... yeah, like all of these things where you're basically COMPLETELY sure that you're doing everything WRONG.
You're like, I'm not saving enough. I'm not spending enough time with my parents, my kids.
I'm not sleeping enough.
I'm not exercising enough. I'm not eating enough fiber.
Whatever it is, you are so sure that you're doing it all wrong, and that's because you have your own inner mean person totally ragging on you. All .The. Time.
And so my encouragement for you is that you're never really going to get rid of them, unfortunately.
Unless, you have some special device or system for getting rid of that, like critical inner person but I don't think that's possible.
And so I would suggest finding a way to make peace with them.
So with me, what I actually imagine often, I mean, like I'm an introvert and I really like spending time by myself and I have a good time when I'm by myself, but I actually like to spend time imagining I'm surrounded by people.
Now, this goes into other things like faith-based and you know who you believe is on your spiritual team and all that stuff.
But let's just say, you know, in concept, what is it like to be by yourself? Technically, you're just one person.
Like let's say you're, you're driving. You're in the car and you start freaking out because you're like, "Oh my gosh, what am I doing with my life?"
Or, "I'm going to be late again."
"She was right!"
Whoever she is .
Or you know, any kind of criticism that you have for yourself. You're going to be thinking all of that to yourself.
And so what I like to do is imagine that I have this total, like, "Who? Who are you?!"
Like this total mean person?
She probably looks like me and I gave her a name. I named her Sheila.
This is not against anyone whose name is Sheila, and I don't actually dislike anyone named Sheila, but someone I worked with like a coach. Uh, recommended that we name our inner mean girl.
And uh, I named her Sheila. That was just, I asked and that was her name.
So basically she looks like me, but she just will not shut her trap.
Like, she's like, "Oh my gosh!"
And she's just like talking shit about everyone. Anything, anytime, anything good happens to anyone else. She starts talking about how like, they don't deserve it.
And "Oh my gosh, I knew her in fourth grade and she was a total this or that!"
Or if it's something that I personally don't like about myself, then she'll start telling me, she'll be like, "Rochelle, your hair is like super flat today and your eyebrows aren't done. And you totally look like one of those people that you know is the before picture and that, you know, people say like, is this Asian a girl or a boy? And you can't tell you you're totally ugly today and look how big your stomach is and it's like overhanging over your pants and why did you even leave the house?"
And like ridiculous things like that.
Like you and me, we're, we're working on ourselves and we're retaining the self-talk, but at the same time, if you had somebody in your back seat, like they're in the back seat, like in the back on the right side, and you can see them in your rear view mirror.
If someone was like that and just constantly saying stupid things, you'd be like, "You need to shut your trap now. Like, you need to cool it and just be quiet for 10 minutes. Because you're just like spouting off all this nonsense and it's not helping anybody and it's not solving any problems and it's making me feel bad."
That's what you would say, right?
And so if the voice is coming from you, if it's you, your inner mean person sitting in the backseat, you can tell them to shut up. And I actually often do that.
Like when I start to get really into my head about, you know, these bad things or. I start to lose some hope.
I actually say out loud, "Everybody shut up!"
I actually say that.
I go, "Everybody shut up!"
Even though it's not like I'm hearing like multiple voices or anything like that, but just the act of saying it out loud and then just deciding that I'm going to be the adult in this conversation and say everybody shut up and be quiet for a second.
It actually helps.
And so I want you to consider that you probably have some kind of inner mean voice saying that you don't deserve this and you don't deserve that.
And they just have all this whining, whining, whining stuff. I mean, like, think of the most annoying toddler you can think of.
And I know that's really mean to say because children are our future, but like, you know, have an annoying toddler, right?
So imagine if that toddler grew up to be an adult who's just like badgering you all the time, you would tell them to stuff it.
So go ahead and tell the mean person in your head that you're doing fine. You're figuring it out. You're going to be okay. And this isn't up to them to, to drive. Because if they drove then they would probably just drive you right into a pole.
They would, they would be like, "It's no use. Everyone hates us."
So you're going to take the wheel, you're going to stay in your driver's seat. You're going to let them sit in silence for 10 minutes in this passenger seat or in the back seat, and you're going to be okay with it.
All right? So keep that in mind while you are thinking of ways to, to just be in charge of your own life.
Because all of us need this kind of self checking system. Even if you're, you have no intention of leaving your job and if you don't, then I'm not really sure why you're listening to this, but if you're just like, you're, maybe you're thinking about your loved ones and you're like, they're never going to start their own business.
You're allowed to dream big with them in mind. Cause I know that some of us have family members who are, who are very stuck in their ways and you mean well, they mean well and you want to help them. But ultimately you have to take care of yourself and just allow that inspiration to flow from you to them.
And you know that it's going to happen. Because it always does. And you're that person who's always like seeing the hope and seeing the solutions and all of that stuff. Go ahead and lean into it. Like you're going to be fine. You can go ahead and dream big. And celebrate your own milestones and take time for yourself knowing that everyone is on their own path, but people are run really good company if they decide to stick around with you.
So, in celebrating this milestone between my third year, my third, "Worst, and most worth it," year of being in business for myself and going into my fourth year, I decided to treat myself to a solo retreat at Disneyland.
So I've gone to Disneyland a couple of times. A couple of times? Yeah, a couple of times by myself, and this is something that I do for me personally because I have this just weird obsession with Disney. And I dunno, I'm not like super, super Disney fan.
It's not like I collect all of the pins and I have to have like the, the original VHS of every movie ever made, but I do have my own version of that, which is like #DisneyForever.
Like I, I think that Disney is like the, the ultimate pinnacle of, of everything and all goals.
So that obsession aside, a couple of years ago, I decided to go ahead and get myself an annual pass, even though I live in Northern California and I really don't go to Southern California that much, but I just decided that this is going to be a part of the culture that I'm creating for myself.
Because in my perfect world, I'm still in business.
I'm still teaching. I get to meet with people. I'm totally surrounded by people who are like me, kind of nerdy, kind of Disney obsessed, kind of obsessed with freedom and serving and just doing good in the world.
And so I decided to get an annual pass and basically commit to taking myself out.
Because honestly, like at this point, I don't have a husband or kids or anything like that, but that doesn't mean that I can't treat out my family of one. Right?
So for this trip, I decided to celebrate and I actually did, I wanted to be very strategic about it.
Because obviously, if you go on any kind of trip, whether it's like a solo retreat or you go to a conference or you do something, then you know that there has to be some kind of return on it.
So not necessarily money and not necessarily for marketing and visibility and stuff like that.
But if I'm going to say that I'm going on this solo trip and this is a business thing because I'm celebrating, but also resetting myself and recalibrating myself for the next. year of being in business, then I really do need to have something come out of it, right?
And so for me, that meant REST
. And you can probably tell how my brain works. Like I can't just do things just willy nilly and just like, just relaaaax. Just do whatever you want!
Like I can't.
I can't. I have to have a goal.
I have to have kind of an idea of what's going to happen.
I have to have like an intention behind everything I do and yeah, yeah, I'm that person.
But anyway, I went to Disneyland and I just decided to celebrate myself. So even though I was there by myself, and by the way. I'm, I'm very intentional about like privacy and safety and stuff, because I know that some people hear about me traveling alone and they're like, "Never travel alone, you shouldn't go because if something happens and no one knows!" And all that stuff.
And I'm like, you know, I'm not, I'm in no more danger here, like in Disneyland than I am, like at home, at Walmart, by myself.
So it's okay.
But I, I do take precautions and I don't, um, I don't like update Instagram cause I, I th. I shared a few things on Instagram while I was there, but I always wait.
Like I might wait an entire day or I'll wait until I'm not in that area of the park anymore, or I'll wait until I'm somewhere else and that kind of thing.
So it's not like I'm necessarily broadcasting my location to everybody.
But even then, yeah, all of that aside, um, I, I like to go by myself and I like to just allow myself to be happy.
Which is kind of a stretch for me personally because I, I grew up as one of those, like, straight A students.
Get all the points, get at the top, beat everyone, make sure that I'm the smartest person in the class.
And I've worked through this in therapy about like what all that means for myself. But sometimes those habits are hard to, hard to, um, you know. Get away from.
And for me, taking time to rest...Intentionally rest and not do anything is difficult.
So I can go to Disneyland and say, I'm celebrating a business milestone, and I might, you know, if I'm not intentional about it, then I might end up really frustrated.
Or I might end up not really being in the moment because I'm trying to think of like the hidden messages and what's the branding here and how can I use this in my own branding, and all that stuff.
And it's just like sometimes you really do need to celebrate in a way that works for you, but is also somewhat... I don't know.
It needs to work for you in that you're being very intentional about it.
So I set the intention to celebrate. To be there in celebration of myself and I did all the things that you do before a trip where you, you wrap up things with your clients, you let them know that they're not going to be hearing from you as much.
But I did end up, you know, doing a little bit of work in the hotel rooms and stuff.
But you know, celebrating is one of those things that you just need to do for yourself.
You can't keep going and say, "Oh, I'll celebrate when I hit my next 10 K or when I reach."
"You know, 5,000 people in my group," or
"When I launched this thing, and the entire course is done and the video is done and everything's perfect, and I have the perfect backdrop and everything like that, and then I'll celebrate with like a $5 ice cream."
Like that's, that's so not balanced. You can't expect yourselfo be doing all this work for absolutely nothing.
And I realized that when you're first in business for yourself, you basically are getting paid nothing really because of all the hours and all of the thinking and all of the planning that you're doing.
And like literally none of that goes on to time sheet.
But treat yourself like an employee that you care about.
Like you would never hire someone and say, "Actually, I expect you to do this, this, and this," and like give them your entire workload and then tell them, "And then if you're really good, then you can have an ice cream!"
Like... What?
That's, that's not a celebration.
That's not even... That's like you just talking down to them and being like, "See how little I value your work?"
So make sure you're not doing that for yourself.
You need to celebrate. So some ideas for celebrating are... I wrote some down for you.
So opening up any kind of opportunity, and this can be really anything like applying to a podcast.
Applying to guest blog.
Pitching a partnership kind of project with somebody else that you admire.
Maybe hiring someone to help you get more PR opportunities.
And that kind of thing.
And I actually have a system for this, and I call the 100 door project, and I literally just recorded a video on this idea in my group.
So if you want to join us, go on Facebook and check out, The Self Employed Nerd.
It's a Facebook group that's closed. So your family and friends won't be able to see you and your posts, unless they're actually in the group too.
And let's face it, they're probably not. Um, so you can go in there and then you can see the video.
Go ahead and do a search inside the group once you are approved and you're in there, you can do a search for 100 doors.
One zero zero doors and you'll see the video for it. But basically the idea is that I think that any kind of opportunity that you open up for yourself is something to be celebrated and you should track them!
Because as an entrepreneur, you are doing so much. So, so, so much!
You're thinking about all the opportunities, all of the possibilities, and then on top of that, you're not even doing it completely for yourself.
Right?
Like a lot of people are running their businesses and saying, "I want to do this because I, I see a change that needs to be made in the world. I need people to know that they are supported and that there is a service for them. And you know, we can't keep doing things the way that we have been."
And so like you have a lot on your shoulders.
You are making so many decisions every day. You need to celebrate that.
So any kind of opportunity that you open up for yourself. Celebrate it. Okay? You don't have to go on a trip to Disneyland, but you can do it, so get creative. I know you can do that.
Any kind of new opportunity that might, you know, give birth to something else or might like fizzle and nothing will happen to it.
Who cares? If you opened up that opportunity, then you go ahead and celebrate it. Okay.
Here's another thing to celebrate: Being BRAVE. So this goes into that line about feeling fear, but doing it anyway.
So feeling the fear, but sending the DM.
Or emailing that person, even though you think that it's silly or that it's not really worth it or that maybe you shouldn't do it just yet because you should have this and this and this done.
Dude, if you did it, that was bravery!
That was you feeling fear and doing it anyway and going ahead and stepping through and not, you know, listening to that Wiener in the backseat.
And making a change in your life!
Because you have no idea (Well, maybe you do) But seriously, there are so many different opportunities and chances to change your life around, but you just have to be open to it.
So, good on you for being brave and doing something even though you were totally scared out of your pants.
Okay?
Another example. Have something to celebrate m ay just be a simple decision.
Maybe you DECIDED you're going to launch something.
Now, obviously you don't want to spend all of your time just thinking and deciding and being like, "I'm going to change my life!"
It's kind of like those people that always want to lose weight, but then they're like always deciding that they're going to start next month.
Right? So deciding to launch and put together a new business and admit that you're different from everybody else. And enough is enough and you're going to go for it.
That is huge.
Especially if you know, like, deep in your core that this was one of THOSE decisions. This wasn't just one of those like, "That would be cool. Maybe I'll do that. That would be cool. Maybe we should all do that. Maybe someday we'll do it."
This was you deciding, "No, this is, this is my future. This is my thing, and I'm probably gonna mess it up a lot, but who cares? Right? I'm going to do it."
So if you ever made a decision to launch. To launch a new service, to write a blog post, to start a website, to go live in a Facebook group where you didn't know anybody in the group.
All of those things deserve celebrating. Okay?
And every step in the launch process deserves a celebration as well.
So you can like give yourself a sticker or something. It doesn't have to be huge.
It doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't even have to be over the top, because obviously if your celebration lasts like several days and you, you'll never get anything done.
If you celebrate every single thing that you're, that you want to do or you intend to do.
But you know, every decision is a big deal, especially in this day and age of people deciding to act one way or another.
So go ahead and celebrate yourself. And especially if you decide to launch a new business, launch a new ebook, a new digital course, and get that passive income going.
You can celebrate every single freaking step in that launch process.
So I hope that you're making a list of all of the things that will go into that launch, obviously, because it's not just one of those like, "I have a business! Give me money!"
It's, you know, you networking.
And wearing all the hats.
Doing the marketing.
Being visible.
Clicking the buttons so that you have a website.
So that you have, you know, a decision made on which platform you're going to use.
So that you have content on your Instagram feed.
So celebrate every single thing.
Like the platform that you chose, the one hour that you spent writing, the time that you stayed home to do more work instead of going out. Or even, I mean like, and again, this is coming back to me and my workaholic tendencies. Maybe you need to celebrate deciding not to work and taking a break.
That counts too.
Okay, so that is our celebrating. I hope that you'll join me and you'll let me know how you are celebrating the little milestones and opportunities and all these wonderful things that you are doing with your life and your business. If you do end up celebrating something because of this episode, can I ask you something?
Can you, can you talk about it in a video on Insta, in your Instagram stories, and then tag me? Because I really want to see you. Like, I want to know that you are implementing what you're learning here and that you're not just like, listening to it, and the next podcast and the next podcast and the next episode, next episode.
And you're not just, you're not actually implementing it.
Like, I want you to celebrate.
If nothing else, implement this. It's a celebration of something that you're proud of. And if you're not proud of anything you've done, then we need to talk.
Okay? So go live or create a video or a post in your Instagram stories and make sure that you tag me. My handle on Instagram is @rochellesanch. And you can tag me anytime. You can DM me on there too.
I want to hear from you, okay?
So I'm so, so excited for this next year of being in business and I just like, I have a few notes here that I wanted to leave you with because, well, I'll just get into it.
Being a self employed nerd is hard. I mean, there are so many things that you could do with your life.
You could shut out all of the inspiration that you see all over the world.
You could shut out all of the need that you see and all the change that needs to happen, and you can just pretend that you're happy and pretend that your family is okay.
But we all know that you're not that kind of person.
You are, you. You're unique.
You have something that you want to do, you know that there's important work to be done, and I think that you're headed in the right direction.
You just have to believe in yourself and understand that this journey is so worth it.
It really is because there's just nothing like doing work that you would truly feel is making a difference in the ways that you want to make a difference in your life.
But it's going to be hard and it's hard because there's no obligation to keep going.
Like you could give up at any moment.
There's no real harm if you give up, and I know that that's not very inspiring, but it's the truth, right?
That's why so many people give up because they're like, you know what?
The worst thing that can happen is I don't achieve my dreams.
The worst that can happen is that somebody doesn't get my personal help.
And it's like, technically it's easy to give up, but what is that sacrifice that you're making?
This is your calling. This is what you were meant to do. This is what you want to do with your life, and this is your chance to make a difference.
So even though the giving up part is easy, I want you to say no to it. I want you to keep going and admit that , sometimes it's going to be really, really difficult. And it's not going to feel like it's worth it. And that's when you start reaching out.
That's when you spend time in Facebook groups and you say, "You know, I know that a lot of people are celebrating these wonderful things that are happening, but this is what's going on in my business. Would anyone be willing to help me out?"
And just being open to the fact that there are a whole lot of people out there just like you who want to help. And yeah, some of them might want you to pay them. And some of them will do it completely for free. There are some of the most generous people ever on the internet.
You just have to be open to meeting them and, and just like embracing this culture. Because, i dunno. It's, it's one of those things that I learned in, especially in this last year and this third year of business, that depression happens when you feel like you're by yourself and you're on your own and you have to figure it out and you're not allowed to play with other people until you are successful, which is total crap.
But it's just something that I learned where like., I didn't want to celebrate anything because I wasn't rich or successful or you know, whatever. Whatever you want to fill in the blank with.
And that's just not true because this is the culture that you want. You want to hang out with people like us, who get that you are here for a mission and that you want to make a difference and you're here to be a change and it's going to be good!
So hang in there.
If you are going through your own version of Rochelle's third year of business, then like seriously reach out and ask people for help. I think that I can, owe my current success in my business, especially in this transition from the third year to fourth year, so the fact that I was very open about it and like there's an entire culture on Instagram that's very positive.
So just take a little more control over who you allow into your head and into your heart and ask for help.
See who comes up. See how much belief you can have in yourself and in the world to do some good work and keep going. Okay?
You've got this!