How to Be Kind and Achieve Your Business Goals

September 22, 2023

Rochelle is a filipino woman talking into a microphone. Text says the "tame your inner bully, compassionate side hustle strategy podcast"

Description and Show Notes

Let's connect! Message me on Linkedin or Instagram:

Okay, maybe some of these sound familiar:

  1. Self-Criticism Overload: You've been overly critical of yourself, especially in your business endeavors. It's taking a toll on your confidence and motivation.
  2. Pressure to Conform: You feel the weight of traditional success narratives bearing down on you. You might think you should hit certain milestones by a certain age or within a fixed timeframe, and this pressure is causing stress.
  3. Marketing Frustration: Marketing seems like a labyrinth, and your efforts might not be yielding the results you hoped for. You're growing frustrated with the unpredictability of it all.
  4. Work-Life Imbalance: Balancing your business with personal life feels like an uphill battle. You're concerned about burnout and maintaining your well-being.
  5. Lack of Support: As a solopreneur or small business owner, you might be feeling isolated on your journey. The absence of a support system is making the road ahead seem even more challenging.

First of all — whew that sucks! You're carrying a whole lot more than just "making money out of this thing" as a business owner. I'm here to help. By the end of this episode, let's talk these problems head-on with.... kindness! Things to try:

  1. Embrace Self-Compassion: Learn practical techniques to be kinder to yourself, which will alleviate self-criticism and bolster your self-esteem.
  2. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that it's perfectly fine to achieve your goals at your own pace, free from external pressures and expectations.
  3. Reframe Your Mindset: Engage in the re-framing exercise and embody the role of a supportive supervisor or team member to transform your perspective and handle challenges with greater empathy.
  4. Achieve Balance: Discover strategies for finding equilibrium between your business and personal life, allowing you to thrive in both.
  5. Cultivate a Supportive Community: Recognize the importance of building a network that understands your journey and is ready to lend a helping hand.

Key Takeaways:

  1. Practice Self-Compassion! Be kinder to yourself on your business journey, reducing self-criticism and frustration.
  2. Understand that it's perfectly okay to achieve your goals at your own speed, free from the pressures of traditional success narratives.
  3. Experiment with adopting the role of a supportive supervisor or team member, fostering empathy towards yourself

TRANSCRIPT (CLICK TO EXPAND)

This is Compassionate Side Hustle Strategy, hosted by me, Rochelle Sanchez. I help solopreneurs like you build good habits and compassionate systems that allow you to show up consistently and authentically in your business.

The end goal is to help you onboard a virtual assistant who is 100% aligned with your mission and within your budget, but there are a few things you should probably get in place first, right? That's why we're here.

You deserve to do what you love for a living. And I believe that you're closer than you think. So clear your schedule and let's get to work on the next best step for you on your business journey.

I always have this weird problem around this time of year, where I worry a lot more about other people's businesses than I do about my own. And I think that it's because my brain's always working in the longterm and the short term simultaneously, because that's just how I, how my brain works, I guess.

But at this time of year, I always worry a little bit because there are some people who really thrive during the holiday season and they're like, oh yeah, this is it! Everyone's ready to buy! And then there were people who were like, you know, maybe not the type to shove their way through a crowd and shout their own name and, you know, be that person during the holiday season when everyone's dollars are stretched.

And so I always have to remind, remind myself and my clients that we have to stay out of other people's well, they say pocket books, but not really like stay out of other people's payment apps, right? Don't worry about other people's bank accounts statements, and just figure out what it is that you want for yourself and for your business and stick to the plan.

Well, I think that a big part of what makes that challenging is that we are naturally hard on ourselves. We all grew up in or were brought up in or are familiar with this capitalist system and how it's considered a good thing if you are always hustling. If you're working hard, that makes you a good person. And let's just not true. Right? There's so many other factors that you need to consider when you think about like, what kind of person you want to be. Do you want to be a kind person? Do you want to be a hardworking person? Do you want to be the kind of person who has that story where you worked so hard to get some kind of number, whether that's income or followers or, you know, your weights on a scale. And then by the end, you burned out and you were exhausted and now your story is about how you had to recover from that? Not that I'm saying that there's anything wrong with that kind of, you know, success story because obviously there's a lot to learn from it. But I'd really rather have you doing things at your own pace and taking care of yourself along the way.

So at this time of year pre Q4, pre holiday, holiday season. I'd like you to step back with me and consider what it means to be kind to yourself.

To add a little bit more compassion to the way that you run your business so that by the time new year runs around, or maybe even wa when you're sitting at the table during the holidays, and you're really down to your last thread, you know that you're still okay, like as a human in a human body. Makes sense?

So one of the things that I'd like to back up on and review with you are the definitions that I use for compassion.

Now, typically the word compassion is defined along the lines of, and I'm looking at Google here. Sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings and misfortunes of others. That sounds about right. Or here's another one that says to recognize the suffering of others and then take action to help.

And I think that those are helpful definitions because definitely you want to be aware of other people. And for sure, especially in recent years, we've seen some people deny the suffering of other people and, and the things that we're learning about systemic racism and legacy and admissions to you know, big universities and colleges, and of course dangerous policing practices.

But what I like to do, and the reason that I actually got so interested in the concept of compassion was that I like to use the definition of self-compassion which is composed of three different aspects. And this is based on the work of Dr. Kristin Neff. And basically it comes down to first or kindness. So just the simple concept of being kind.

The second one is mindfulness, which means seeing the situation for what it is. Maybe not overgeneralizing it and not blowing it out of proportion.

And then the third component is recognizing that this, whatever the situation is that you need to be more compassionate in, it actually brings you closer to the people around you. So there's an element of community baked into it.

So today let's look at being kind, being compassionate to yourself and to your clients as a business owner, as a small business owner. And seeing what kindness can actually do for you once you decide that you want to implement it into your business practices.

It's funny that the idea of being kind is so simple that we swear that it must be more complicated than what it is. Like just be nice to yourself. What does that mean for you?

And of course we probably all know what it means, right. Just to be nice. Don't be mean. Don't bully yourself. Don't be, you know, the mean girl or, or whatever. You know, characterization, you give to someone who is mean within yourself or within your business kind of ecosystem. And so you can think about the ways that you get frustrated within your business.

Most of the time, this has to do with marketing, right? If you spend any time in Facebook groups and you see those. Generalized. Call-outs or discussion topics of you know, what is the hardest part about running your business?

And usually it's something along the lines of money, time, or they just hate marketing and, you know, blame the social media algorithm for not bringing in the sales. And so we're not talking about actual strategy here.

We're talking about being kind to yourself in those moments. Because I think that we can all reach a point. Where we're so frustrated that we start being unkind to ourselves as in, well, it should have really made it by now. And what am I even doing? I don't know what I'm doing, so I might as well just go ahead and quit.

Or maybe you're networking with someone, then you tell them, oh my gosh, I'm so terrible at marketing. I am awful at it. And you're saying that about yourself, right?

In both of those situations, you are not being kind to yourself. And I think that that's easy to grasp for most people because we learn kindness in like early education. And so we're like, yeah, you should be nice. You shouldn't say those things. You should be like, I'm proud of myself. I am pursuing my dreams. I am stepping forward and using my voice. Which is all true. It's it's still all true. I'm not saying that it's not.

But I like to take a more active role in being compassionate, especially to myself and to my team. You know, just in general, and even to my business. Like if your business isn't set up the way that you want it, you can still be kind to it.

And here's what I mean by that. Let's say you're that person that's saying I don't have enough sales. I'm not making enough money. There's just not enough money to go around or to use for my business or to even make for my business because I'm running it at a loss. And so that's a very real struggle. And I don't want you to say like, you know, basically love and light it away. But you can look at it in a way that is a little more kind to yourself.

As in you are a person that you're telling these struggles too. And a really mean way of approaching it would be like, well, then just make more money. Well then why don't you just go to the banks and, you know, do the research so that you can get a loan. Or why don't you ask your friends to invest in your business? Why don't you just put it on your credit card and then trust since you're going to make the money back anyway then why don't you go ahead and do that.

And like, that's so mean that there's just so many levels to that where that is just not helpful right. And so you might have a friend who says that kind of stuff, or you might have the kind of friend who's kind about it and says, you know what. It's real- that really sucks because a lot of businesses have, you know, are backed by generational wealth. Or a lot of businesses are created because the founder had multiple streams of income and they had the room, the space to go ahead and experiment a little bit and they actually experimented a lot. And this happened to be the one that took off. But losing the money that they invested into their business didn't actually hurt them that much.

And so you see what I'm talking about. It's not necessarily about the actual situation, but it's your own reaction to the problem that you're having. You can be kind by being a little more understanding of your situation. Maybe take some time and like step back from it. You know, and let yourself process. And I, I don't think that it's a matter of letting yourself feel sorry for yourself. Because that's not what this is. This is the truth, right?

You are using all of your resources, you're trying your best and you're using the time that you have. And sometimes that means that your business is not going to grow at the pace that you want it to.

Well, the coping mechanism that I like to apply to this kind of situation is to be the most compassionate supervisor that you have ever had. And so what it mean is that if you're going to be wearing all of these hats, you may as well be the kind of boss that you wish that you could work for.

And so what would that kind of boss or supervisor say to you in these kinds of situations? You can imagine even if it's just yourself right now, but maybe you have an, a small office space. There's like three people, right? It's you, and there's two other people. You really trust them. You know, they're doing their best. You know that you get together once a week and you talk about what you're working on and then you can tag team with them and say, you know, I could actually use some input on this. Can we sit down together for like 15 minutes to just brainstorm some different ways to approach it? Things like that.

In that kind of environment. Do you think that you know, one of those very kind people would sit down and be like, well, why, why aren't you doing it? Why aren't you selling it? You're a marketer, right? Well, you're learning how to be really good at marketing. So you should, you know, get better at it and really focus on it. And however hours it means it means that you have to work, go ahead and do it.

That would never happen. Not in your most ideal working situation where you have your close-knit you know, business partners. Or you know, even the high level staff. You would never allow that kind of language, right? Because the idea is that we're trying not to do that. We do that all the time in like corporate America, where we're really bullying toward each other, or we threaten each other or we, you know, mock each other when the, basically the money isn't rolling in.

Well, what would it look like if you didn't do that to yourself? If you didn't. Mirror that kind of culture and you were actually very kind to yourself instead. You would say, wow.

Yeah, marketing is hard and you've got your family and you've got all these other things. And like, you're still trying not to catch COVID. And you know, now it's like the sports season or whatever, you would be very understanding and you would say, yeah, this is hard.

And maybe at this time of year, we're not going to go as hard. Maybe we're not going to produce as much social media content. Maybe we're not going to have it quite so many coffee chats. And maybe we're going to focus on the things that take a little bit less energy than we would, you know, during a different time of year, when you have much more energy and free time and let's face it, fuel to, to actually push yourself.

That's the kind of environment you need to create on your own. Even without those trusted teammates that you'll have eventually, right? You'll have, you'll have them eventually. But while it's you wearing all of the hats? You need to be really kind to yourself and not say all of the things that a Supervisor you just don't respect and who doesn't respect you would say to you in moments like this.

So that's about it for the kindness element of being self-compassionate. In your business. I hope that that kind of like levels things out for you and gives you some things to think about.

If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me if you're like, I'm not quite sure how to be kind to myself in this particular situation. I am all for digging into it. Okay? And, and just coming up with different ideas of how to approach this very complicated challenge of growing a business on your own without being all like, you know, salesy marketing bro about it.

Because there's a certain kind of feeling that you're going for. There's a certain kind of like peace and calm and just general feeling that everything is right with the world that you're trying to create from the bottom up. And so I get that and yeah, if you have any questions or you have something that's really on your mind regarding being kind to yourself, even if it seems like it should be simple. It's not all the time. So reach out to me. Check out the show notes.

And yeah, I will see you in the next episode where we talk about being mindful. That the aspect of mindfulness within your business as a self-compassionate business owner. See you then. 

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